Just a short post as my level of concentration is akin to a goldfish at present. This is one symptom of depression and why a choose to go back to pills during this bout of the damned Black Dog.
The weekend was spent in Derbyshire sorting through my dads worldly possessions. I think I've mentioned before that he hoarded everything - he didn't even throw his old bus tickets away! We've now spent 4 solid days in total clearing the house and despite 4 van loads of rubbish removed and or recycled we've only managed to clear his bedroom. It's only a small house but there are still 4 more rooms to clear. Being so far away from me down on the south coast it's proving a little tricky to find the time.
The meds are starting to take effect and I fell a little better, but also Wifey and I had a good weekend (overall....) we went out for dinner in Derby near to my bothers house on Saturday and it was great just to be together talking and indulging time in each other.
Strangely, I'm now finding work really stressful. I've been stressed at work for 3 episodes during my working career and each one has been horrible. I only have 19 days left in this role but my boss has made it clear he wants his pound of flesh before a desert them.
So a both good and a productive weekend, work is a drag but there is an end in sight. Also, spring is but a couple of months away and longer, warmer and brighter days always make a body feel better.
But folks, remember, this blog is about me and how I'm feeling and I'm very conscious not to turn it in to a depression blog. Depression has affected every single aspect of my life at some point in my life and I hate the fact it interferes with things. I'm sure depression will be blogged about in the future but hopefully soon you'll see some more amusing posts.
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5 comments:
I know its easy to say, and not easy to feel, but there is no external shame in needing meds. The shame would be in not using them and continuing both miserable in your own life, and in the lives of those you love. The black dog can lead you down a road you wouldn't come back from, and that is far far worse.
Second, frankly, if the current boss is stressing you out, always remember you can just walk away. Right now, he can't even fire you. Do the hours, smile politely but DON'T work your ass off. This is wind down time, no matter how much he screams and shouts.
Always such wise words Boy.
As I said in numerous previous posts I've wanted to get through by will power alone this time, but I was getting to a point were I wasn't functioning as a person. And quite right - it can lead you down a road you can't come back from.
Once I'd reconciled that fact in my mind I knew I had to use the pills.
As for the job it's just like your last job, proffessional pride, self respect and not letting the team down. The problem is at the moment I should be signed off sick with depression as I just can't concenrate, but I'll never do that.
Ho-hum, onwards and upwards :-)
Part of professional pride is not letting yourself be put upon too. Just as there's no shame in taking medication, there's no shame, when you're being treated unreasonably, resisting it. The Boy (as ever, blimey, how does he do it?) is right.
I also appreciate that this could make the atmosphere worse and this and professional pride make you want to slog through.
Very true Z - belive me, when I'm on form I stand my ground. At the moment I just don't have the energy for a fight with someone, who ultimately must be obeyed.
The only energy I can muster at the moment is catching up on all my favourite blogs and comments. Of course yours is always a daily read.
An yes, blimey, how does The Boy do it????
I take your point - and thank you for the compliment.
I took your splendid advice, by the way, and was considerably refreshed. Just as well, since I'll have to spend the evening working!
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