As you may know I have been battling depression since puberty. Right now I am struggling.
The job is getting me down (i may have mentioned that once or twice before) and I have lost any enthusiasm I once had for the organisation. I have several complex issues that need to be resolved and to do that I need to talk to my boss. The only thing is that some times I seem him twice in a fortnight and the emails and phone calls are constant, the other times I hear nothing for weeks. As we work in different offices, some hours travel apart, it can be difficult to meet up, but generally the only sensible answers I get are ones during a face to face meeting.
The upshot being, why should I bother my arse with putting any effort in when I don't get any support back? I have days when I pull myself up by my boot straps and say 'it's all good experience - the more you put in to it, the more you'll get out of it' That lasts about a day when I hit on something I need to talk to him about or work that I have done is ridiculed (usually in front of others) and my mood and attitude drop to zero in a heart beat.
I work for a bully and anyone who works for a bully is bullied to some extent - Don't get me wrong, I am not the shy retiring type and a fight my corner even though he is more eloquent and fast thinking than I. But it's been grinding me down since Christmas last year. This tension combined with Wifey being stressed about her work and us both being stressed about money and the demands of bringing up a baby (I does have it's joys but the last 12 months have been tiring) has taken it's toll and I am struggling not to fall in to un-controlled depression. I know that I am depressed, but I don't want to go back on anti-depressants as they do have some unwanted side effects, I want to ride out this storm by will power alone.
Dad dieing has been a body blow, as it must be for anyone who loses a loved one - there are things that are playing on my mind and they are stopping me from sleeping soundly. The result being I am tired and lethargic and I really can't be bothered with work.
I hope there should be a contract on the door mat at home waiting for me for the new job - it's not perfect but the organisation is 533 times bigger and has a professional set of managers.
He's to being able to resign tomorrow!
Just for the record - actually knowing you're depressed is a great healer and whilst the depression affects you, you are able to sit down and try and rationalise it just like I'm doing here.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Hi Mate, I've worked for a bully, and know exactly how demotivating it can be. There is no answer other than slogging it through with sheer will power until either he leaves or you do.
In my case I did. One of the things that kept me going was keeping a case log of emails and notes of incidents. I never did anything, but it helped my moral to imagine taking it to court.
Good luck on the new job. You certainly have my sympathy on your dad. It certainly took the wind out of my sails when mine died. But, that too passes.
Wifey is a Chartered Member of the CIPD. In a board position you'll know what that means!
I am well versed with the legalities of it!
My boss will not leave and has mooted that they will not retire either (as he is the big boss there is no one to stop him).
Wifey was bullied at work by a very senior person in a big (global) company. She took the bully on and the bully was dismissed. Wifey chose to leave as the relationship was too damaged by got nearly a years pay for her troubles.
The bully does not always win :-)
No they dont and I am sure you will prevail honey xxx
Being bullied at school is one thing, but by grown adults at work? It's crazy. It's good that you recognise both things, the depression and the bullying, for what they are. So many people don't and just live with it. You've already taken the steps to make sure you're not going to put up with either!
The bully bullies everyone almost in tern. I do give as good as I get, but it does get you down.
As you know I am doing something about the situation hence the new job. No contract as yet, but there has been positive correspondence
I think I am in your team.
Post a Comment